Forgiveness and unconditional love are beautiful and godly qualities to possess!
In every human relationship, forgiveness helps to heal and restore even the most broken of relationships – often making it stronger and happier!
Without forgiveness, your life will be full of bitterness, resentment, and grudges.
But what are you supposed to do when you have a person in your life who will not apologize, accept any fault, or change their behavior?
Are you supposed to live your life following the principal from Matthew 5:39?
“But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”
Many Christians get caught up in this verse, thinking that it means to always allow others to walk over them and take advantage of them.
This is not the case! To “turn the other cheek” does not imply that you should consistently place yourself in unhealthy situations.
Instead, it is referring to not responding in a similar manner – offensive comments, gossip, theft, and other toxic behavior.
The reason this principle is so powerful is because it takes so much strength to respond to hatred with love.
However, the Bible also warns us against people who are deceitful, malicious, abusive, immoral, and self-obsessed.
You are not supposed to always give people the benefit of the doubt and grant them unconditional acceptance.
Below are Biblical answers to the most common questions about going no contact with difficult people.
1.) How can I go “No Contact” with someone AND forgive them?
Forgiveness and “No Contact” are two different concepts.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that there are no consequences for their actions and that you should put yourself back in the position of being hurt again.
True forgiveness means that you don’t want to seek revenge on that person. It means that you are going to commit to not hanging onto bitterness against that person.
Usually, forgiveness takes a lifetime of effort. It may take a commitment every day to not hold onto hatred for someone.
If you continue to put that toxic person in a position where they can continue to hurt you over and over again, read the Bible verses below.
2.) How will I know when to go “No Contact” with someone?
If you have had an argument or a disagreement with someone, it doesn’t mean that you need to cut them out of your life!
Differing opinions are a healthy and completely normal part of human interactions.
You should be able to have a disagreement with someone, while still understanding that they have the right to their viewpoint.
The one thing you need to focus on is TRUST.
Relationships are built on mutual trust. If someone has proven themselves to be untrustworthy, don’t try to explain away the reasons for their dishonesty.
Have they blatantly lied to you, stolen from you, abused you, been two-faced, threatened you, cheated on you, taken advantage of your relationship, and been a toxic influence in your life?
If this person continues to harm you and your family, you may need to take steps to remove them from your life.
This doesn’t always mean going “no contact” immediately!
The next step will answer this question.
3.) What steps should I take before going “No Contact”?
…under no circumstances is this referring to abuse or criminal acts. The Bible is clear about separating yourselves from violent and evil people.
First, the Bible instructs that you should handle disputes in love, with a goal of restoration. (Matthew 18:15)
When you talk to someone privately, you can address misunderstandings, and hope that the problem can be solved.
This way, you can both avoid gossip and hurt feelings.
The Bible also talks about the importance of having a witness with you. If this person has the tendency to lie or twist your words, this step is invaluable! (Matthew 18:16)
If the person refuses to accept any fault and responds in a hateful way, it may be best for you to go your separate ways. (I Corinthians 5:11)
Christians are instructed on how to handle disputes in Matthew 18.
4.) Are there Bible Verses that talk about difficult/toxic people?
Romans 16:17 “I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.”
Proverbs 13:20 “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”
Proverbs 26:11 “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.”
Matthew 15:14 “Leave them; they are blind guides. If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.”
Proverbs 23:9 “Do not speak to fools, for they will scorn your prudent words.”
James 1:26 “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.”
II Timothy 3:1-5 “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive,disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.”
1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.”
James 3:16 “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”
5.) What good will going “No Contact” do for me?
One of the worst misunderstandings about going “No Contact” with toxic people is when people accuse the survivor (the one being hurt) of being bitter and unforgiving.
Choosing to distance yourself from someone doesn’t make you unforgiving at all!
It simply shows that the relationship has not been restored due to continued abuse or irreconcilable differences.
When you have suffered abuse and injustice from someone, it may be necessary to take care of yourself and put an end to their ability to bully you.
When someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions and continues to act as if nothing is wrong with their behavior, they cannot be allowed to stay in a place of influence in your life.
Choosing to go “no contact” with someone will allow you to heal and move on with your life.
Related Article: 9 Types of Toxic People the Bible Warns About
6.) How do I actually go “No Contact”?
Once you have prayerfully made the decision to go “no contact”, you must remain committed to your decision.
If they use texting or social media to abuse you, you may need to delete or block their access to you.
If you are dealing with a narcissistic personality type, they will make “No Contact” very difficult for you to keep.
They may consistently message you, “love-bomb you, guilt-trip you, spread stories about you, and find other ways to subtly remind you of their presence.
Remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean restoring them back into your life.
One common tactic of toxic people is to suddenly be willing to apologize and change their ways.
The only thing that can prove genuine change is time and a consistent change of behavior.
Christ can always change hearts, but many people have used this as an excuse to get back into a place of unearned trust.
7.) How Should I move forward after going “no contact”?
Once you have removed someone from your life, try to move forward and focus on healing.
Pursuing a close relationship with Christ is incredibly important! It is so easy for bitterness and hate to grow in your heart.
NEVER take revenge into your own hands.
This includes talking behind their backs and spreading stories about them.
Ephesians 4:31-32 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another,forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”
Proverbs 24:29 “Do not say, “I’ll do to them as they have done to me; I’ll pay them back for what they did.”
Romans 12:17 “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.”
Romans 12:19 “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.”
If someone has treated you in a toxic manner, it is not your responsibility or right to “get even” with them.
God made it very clear that He will take care of the situation.
You need to focus your effort on finding healing for yourself. Often, the first step in this process is pursuing forgiveness for the hurt that you were caused.
Many people have stood up in a courtroom and publicly told a criminal that they forgive them for their horrific crime against themselves or a family member.
If you were to ask them why they did this, they would always mention that it was an important step towards healing from the tragedy.
The same principle applies when going “no contact” with someone.
- 9 Types of Toxic People the Bible Warns About
- 5 Tips to Overcome Jealousy as a Christian Woman
- 9 Warning Signs That You Are Emotionally and Mentally Exhausted
The Bible talks about the importance of forgiveness.
Actually, it commands us to forgive. Why? Because without forgiveness, there is no healing.
Holding onto bitterness and hate is a sin. It doesn’t mean that you have to forget what happened to you.
However, learning to move beyond the pain and focus on all the good things that God has placed in your life is a wonderful gift!
Going “No Contact” and removing someone from your life who insists on continuing in their destructive behavior is a biblical step towards healing.