The cornerstone to every successful relationship is communication!
In order to succeed in this area, both people must have the freedom to be honest and straightforward with their opinions and feelings.
However, there is a big difference between being honest and downright hurtful! If something difficult needs to be said about a sensitive topic, there is a proper way to respectfully let your significant other know your opinion.
Everyone knows that you shouldn’t hurl insults at each other. But there are quite a few subtle things that you can say to your partner that makes them feel deeply hurt and offended.
Below are 9 things that you should never say to your significant other:
1.) “Wow! That person is hot!”
If you think this statement is trivial and harmless, you are dead wrong!
When you admire another person’a physical qualities, you are letting your partner know that you have wandering eyes.
Guy Example: “Remember that girl back in college? She was so hot! Every guy thought so.”
Girl Example: “Check him out! He should totally be a Calvin Klein Model!”
These statements are damaging to your relationship.
Why? Because whether you admit it or not, you are comparing your spouse to that other person.
It leaves them thinking, “Why did you choose me when you wanted someone who looked like him/her?”
This is not a sign of insecurity! They simply know that they will never look as good as the person that their partner just verbalized his/her attraction to.
There will always be attractive people in the world. But you didn’t choose them to go through life with. You chose the person who is walking beside you.
Instead, look at them and let you know how much you love them – wrinkles, flaws, and all!
2.) “You always/never do that!”
Making “absolute statements” like this are very dangerous. They almost always escalate the problem!
If you are frustrated by your significant other’s actions (or lack of action), try to verbalize it in a constructive way.
Instead of saying, “You never help me clean the house!”, try putting it nicely. “I appreciate that you are clean and organized. But I feel like we need to divide the daily house chores more fairly.”
Choose the right time to confront an issue or discuss a problem with them. Directly after they get home from work is not a good time!
Sit down together and have a mutually respectful conversation. Don’t point fingers and make accusatory absolute statements.
To have a constructive and productive conversation, you both must agree to listen and speak with care.
Related Article: 10 Signs Your Relationship Has Communication Problems
3.) “You’re making a big deal out of nothing!”
If your partner is upset about something, chances are – it is a big deal to them!
If you feel the need to make that statement, you should probably take a few steps back and look at the situation from their side.
Are they blaming you for something? Then patiently explain to them why they are incorrect or let them know that you will change your behavior.
Are they upset about a situation in their own life? Listen and be kind to them!
If you need to let them know that you simply don’t understand why they are so upset, try verbalizing it in a kind way. “Can you help me see it from your perspective? Explain to me why it bothers you so much?”
4.) “Look, that is just who I am.”
This statement lets your partner know that you are not willing to change in any way!
Basically, you are saying, “If you love me, you won’t try to improve me!”
Most people want to be with someone who accepts you for who you are. No one wants to be with someone whose main goal is to change them!
But when you let someone into your life, they are there to encourage you to be the best person you can be.
This does include respectfully pointing out your character flaws. We all have them!
Try to be open to constructive criticism – when done in a genuinely caring manner.
Related Article: 9 Signs You Have Become a Negative Person
5.) “My ex used to do that!”
Don’t ever fall into the trap of comparison! It is incredibly destructive and hurtful.
If you or your partner compares each other to their previous romantic relationships, your relationship will be rocky.
Even if you say it in a complimentary manner, your significant other does not need to be compared to your ex in any way, shape, or form!
This shows that they are still on your mind and you may have not gotten over them yet.
6.) “Never mind.”
There are a few ways this word can be said…
If your partner isn’t giving you his/her full attention, you stop talking. When they look at you and say, “Yes, I am listening.”, you reply, “Oh, never mind!”
You will feel very frustrated, but don’t punish your partner in a childish way simply because they weren’t giving you their full attention.
Instead, ask them if they are listening…and resume!
Next, you may second guess yourself and stop mid-sentence – simply because you are too insecure to ask them a question or worried about their reaction.
Don’t stop – keep going! If it needs to be said, you need to be confident in your decision!
Don’t let a lack of patience or a lack of courage cause a rift in your relationship.
7.) “No, you are not allowed to do that.”
The only thing wrong with this sentence is that you are treating your partner like a child.
Using the word, “allowed” signifies that you have authority over them and all their decisions.
The fact is, they can do whatever they want because they are an adult!
Maybe your significant other is doing something that is hurtful and wrong. However, if you want to help them, you must choose an appropriate way to confront them and their actions.
Side Note: This is not referring to cases of abuse or unethical/illegal behavior.
8.) “Are you done yet? Do you feel better?” (During or after a disagreement)
This passive aggressive statement does nothing more than stir up anger.
It should never be used on your partner – the person you care about.
First of all, your spouse shouldn’t be yelling at you or degrading you. If they are being verbally abusive, you need to leave and seek professional advice.
However, if they are simply voicing their emotions or concerns, you should never talk down to them in an uncaring way.
It is completely normal for emotions to flare up and for you to feel defensive, but don’t allow your pride to get in the way of hearing what your significant other is trying to communicate.
9.) Correcting them in public
This isn’t exactly something you say to them, but it has to do with how you treat them in front of your friends, family, and peers.
“No, you are telling the story completely wrong!”
“Oh stop talking about that! No one wants to hear about it.”
When you interrupt, correct, and talk over your significant other, you are showing them and all those around you that you have little to no regard for their importance.
Have you ever been around a couple that constantly bickered and talked over each other? Was it awkward?
The answer is YES! This habit is downright rude and creates discomfort in those around you.
If you disagree with your partner, talk to them when you are alone.
Don’t embarrass them in front of a group of people. This habit can become a major source of resentment.
- 10 Signs Your Relationship Has Communication Problems
- 9 Amazing Ways to Bond with Your Spouse
- 9 Things Every Girl Should Know About Dating (From a Dad)
A relationship is something that you have to nurture on a daily basis. Using harsh words is a major source of pain in many relationships – often leading to separation and divorce.
Before responding or making a disparaging comment, think about the repercussions.
Words have power. Use them wisely.