You’ve been dating/courting a guy for a while.
At first, you thought it was true love and that you had met the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with!
But you are starting to see some warning signs and your gut is telling you something isn’t right.
But you still really care about him!
And you don’t want to jump out of a relationship without knowing it is 100% the right decision – absolutely God’s will for you.
Why? Because your heart is going to feel like it is breaking! Even if it is the right decision, it is going to hurt a LOT.
Pray and ask for God’s will. Ask Him to show you clearly what you should do with your relationship.
However, if you find yourself in this position, you have probably already seen some warning signs.
Below are 7 godly signs he is not the one God has for you.
1.) Your Trusted Family and/or Friends are Warning You
Some guys are VERY good at playing the part for a while.
They can be a gentleman, go to church, follow the rules, and check every box of what a good Christian guy should be!
But sometimes, love can blind YOU. You may unconsciously ignore or completely not see some serious warning signs that your trusted friends or family have noticed.
If someone you trust comes to you with some concerns about your relationship, try not to get offended. Your first instinct will be to get defensive!
Don’t allow yourself to be ruled by your heart and your feelings. They can be very deceptive.
Make a conscious effort to respectfully listen and seriously consider what they have said to you. Pray about it!
In some cases, your friends or family may be wrong. But usually, they are trying to save you from a life-changing mistake.
Proverbs 15:22 “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Proverbs 28:26 “Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.”
2.) He Has a Wandering Eye
Have you noticed that he has a bad habit of checking out other women?
This is NOT OK!
If he can’t keep his eyes on you while you’re dating, imagine how bad it will get once you get married. (P.S. It will only get worse!)
First, let’s get something straight.
The Bible makes it clear that there is a difference between simply looking and looking with lust (Matthew 5:28).
Finding other people attractive is normal and natural. When an attractive woman walks by and a man notices, it’s not necessarily the same thing as him lusting after her.
Lusting after someone involves a choice and an action. To a certain extent, it’s a conscious decision to pursue a natural impulse. This is done when there is a second & third look or an elongated stare – instead of letting the person pass by. This lack of self control has the power to destroy his relationship, even if he loves his girlfriend, fiance, or wife.
If the man you are in a relationship has a wandering eye, it doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is over.
However, it DOES mean that he needs to get some wise counsel from a godly man.
This issue may be difficult for you to fully understand, but if he acknowledges his problem and is willing to work on this issue, he is already taking a step in the right direction.
Overcoming lust takes serious commitment and discipline. If he surrounds himself with accountability, stays committed to his relationship with God, and is noticeable working on being self-controlled, he is heading in the best direction possible!
However, if he gets defensive and upset with you for noticing his bad habit of checking out other women, this is probably a clear sign that he is NOT the one for you.
Matthew 5:28 “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Proverbs 28:13 “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”
3.) He Gets Jealous Quickly
Most men have a natural instinct to protect the ones they love and make sure that every other man knows that you are “his person”!
However, this does not include a man with insecurity issues who allows himself to become controlling, manipulative, untrusting, and guilt-tripping.
Have you started to notice some jealous tendencies in him?
Often, these tendencies show themselves in the questions he asks you.
“Why are you hanging out with them instead of me?”
“Why did you give him a hug goodbye?”
“Did you just text him? You aren’t suppose to text other guys when you are dating me!”
Unfortunately, his jealousy will seep into every single conversation and interaction you have.
If you allow this unhealthy behavior to take over your relationship, you will start to feel suffocated by the man you are supposed to be able to love and trust!
Confront this behavior immediately! And if it does not change, it may be a sign from God that you aren’t suppose to be in the relationship anymore.
Proverbs 25:28 “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”
Proverbs 27:4 “Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?”
4.) He is all talk – no action
In other words, the boy is LAZY!
In the beginning, you were very attracted to his BIG dreams and goals. You thought that it meant he was ambitious and hard-working!
But you are starting to see some unimpressive tendencies that are leading you to believe that he is actually lazy.
He compensates for his poor work habits by talking about everything he is going to accomplish in life.
Does he give up on everything he tries?
Does he always have an excuse for why he is not working on something?
Or perhaps he only wants to play video games, sleep in, watch movies, or laze around. No ambition for anything!
If you are a hard worker with a lot of ambition, he may actually admire YOUR work ethic for the sole purpose of knowing that you will financially support him!
If you intend on marrying a lazy man, you had better be prepared for a lifetime of hardship.
His poor work ethic may be God’s way of clearly showing you to exit the relationship.
Proverbs 10:4 “A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.”
Proverbs 20:13 “Love not sleep, lest you come to poverty; open your eyes, and you will have plenty of bread.”
Related Articles: 11 Signs He Is the One God Has for You
5.) He is Irresponsible with Money
Is he in debt, always spending money on new things, not saving for the future, or not budgeting his money wisely?
Money is one of the main reasons for divorce. You do not want to connect your name with someone who has major money issues. It could be detrimental!
Before you seriously consider marriage, you need to seriously observe his attitude towards money.
You want to marry someone who takes money management seriously and who wants to create security for you and your future family.
Before you get married, you should know every aspect of each other’s finances! You should NOT wait to have this conversation until after you have walked down the isle.
Ask him if he has loans, credit card debt, an emergency fund, savings, a secure income, tithing schedule, etc. And he should ask you the same thing.
Having a mortgage, student loan debt, or a credit card payment doesn’t mean that your relationship is on the rocks!
Just make sure he is intentional with paying off his debts and that he is focused on building a secure future.
If he is immature and irresponsible with money, you do not want to attach yourself to his financially disastrous life!
Proverbs 21:5 “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.”
Proverbs 3:9 “Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce…”
6.) He is Inconsistent With Your Relationship
Sometimes, he is ALL IN and very present in your relationship.
Then suddenly, he seems distant and non-communicative.
You want a life partner who is 100% dedicated to you and your long-term relationship.
You want to marry a man who sees YOU as his priority and treats you with the affection and love you deserve.
(P.S. God commanded for a husband to love his wife like he does himself! That’s a pretty tall order.)
If he seems to be inconsistent in your relationship, it may be a clear sign that he is NOT the one for you.
This behavior is immature, selfish, inconsiderate, and cruel.
You do NOT want to be married to a man who treats you like you are something he can ignore or “ghost”.
Ephesians 5:28 “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
Related Articles: The 5 Things Women Want Most From a Husband
7.) He Criticizes You
If he has already started criticizing you while you are dating/courting, it will only get worse after you get married.
Does he make you doubt your dreams and goals?
Does he compare you to other people or subtly criticize your physical appearance?
Perhaps he uses you as the subject of jokes, “jokingly” criticizing you in front of other people?
Or does he ever lecture you like a child?
This is a serious sign that he is emotionally abusive – something that is easy to hide early in the relationship.
You are God’s precious daughter and He does not intend you to endure cruelty and pain at the hands of the person who is suppose to love, honor, and cherish you!
There is a big difference between constructive criticism (with mutual respect) and cruel, unnecessary criticism.
If he is already taking it upon himself to tear you down, he is NOT the man God has for you.
Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
I Peer 3:17 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives showing honor to the woman, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
- 11 Signs He Is the One God Has for You
- 10 Things You Must Do While You’re Single
- 9 Things Every Girl Should Know About Dating (From a Dad)
The most important advice that anyone can give you about your relationship doubts is to PRAY HARD!
Ask God for wisdom and ask Him to show you what His will is for your life.
Don’t allow your judgement to be clouded by “love” and find yourself married to the wrong person!
Surround yourself with wise counselors and watch for the red flags listed above.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”